When you are in a relationship with someone you love and are fully committed to, there does come a time when you start feeling like you’re ready to make the life-long commitment. This is the moment when you will want to ask your partner for their hand in marriage, but how do you know if you’re ready?
Counsellor Andreas Banetsi says that determining one’s readiness differs from individual to individual.
“While [one] person might first want to build their career; get to a point where they are financially stable; and know that they have exploited their exploration as far as issues of intimacy are concerned, another person might not have all these things figured out, but feel that they’ve reached a stage in their [life] where they are ready to commit to one person for life,” Banetsi explains.
He does, however, say that in most cases men feel ready to get married and start a family after they feel that they are financially ready to provide and have found their space in their careers.
While many may say that only knowing someone for six months, for example, isn’t enough time to know that you are ready to marry that person, Banetsi explains that this does happen and doesn’t necessarily mean that the couple have made a mistake, but he adds that he has seen some major issues in the marriages of couples who have married soon after meeting.
Your goals are the first indicator of whether you are ready or not
“I have counselled people who have not even dated, but decide to get married, or couples that have been together for a couple of months. And while, yes, they were ready to settle down, there are big challenges the couples face further down the line,” Banetsi explains.
He says that often when people live together before getting married, they sometimes feel almost pressurised to quickly officialise their live-in relationship and tie the knot.
Banetsi outlines three signs that show that you are probably not yet ready to pop the question and get married:
1. Your goals are the first indicator of whether you are ready or not. If you feel that you haven’t achieved the things you want to and realise that entering into marriage might be a huge hindrance in achieving these, then you’re probably not yet ready.
2. If you are not financially stable, then there is no need for you to make such a commitment. This is because you’ll probably end up bringing someone into a situation where they depend on you for many things, but you will not be able to meet those expectations.
3. If you have an overwhelming desire or feeling that you still want to enjoy your complete freedom and you feel that there are certain aspects of your lifestyle that you are just not ready to let go of yet, then you’re probably not yet ready to get married.