There comes a point in a relationship where a man feels that he wants to take it to the next level and considers proposing to his partner. While this can be an exciting time, there are a few things that a man should consider before he pushes forward with asking his partner for her hand in marriage.
Counselling Psychologist Andreas Banetsi Mphunga gives us the four most important things you have to be absolutely sure of before popping the question.
Are you ready for marriage?
The first thing you should consider is both your readiness and that of the two of you as a couple.
“You might find that one person is ready, but the other isn’t. Are you ready mentally and financially? Are you ready for the lifestyle adjustments you will have to make as a result of the marriage?” Mphunga asks.
Go for pre-marital counselling before you propose
Mphunga says that he has always advocated that couples go for pre-marital counselling of sorts – this could be a consultation with a spiritual guide, a psychologist, or an elderly person in your family – even before the marriage proposal.
“This is so that the couple can get another person’s view. It’s just a way of getting confirmation from a third party that you’re getting married for the right reasons,” he says.
“You could be mentally and financially ready for marriage, but you might be deciding to get married for all the wrong reasons – which could include getting married only to prove a point or because you feel a particular circumstance calls for it.”
Are the two of you compatible?
Mphunga says that it’s also important to see if you and your partner’s views are compatible and aligned. Before you decide to spend the rest of your lives together, it’s important to know that you are on the same page about pertinent issues and values.
“You might find that the two of you are compatible in most facets of your life, but there could be one major thing where you’re not compatible, which could change everything. This could be something like wanting to have children.”