How to handle a partner who cheated

She cheated – now what? Should you stay together? We discuss ways to handle a cheating partner.

If your partner has cheated, it is time to re-evaluate your relationship and your commitment to it, advices clinical psychologist Tertia Myers. “Usually when someone is unfaithful, it’s a sign that something is wrong in the relationship. Your girlfriend has gone outside of the relationship, as she feels there is something missing within the relationship. In most cases, women feel that their emotional needs are not being met and that they are not being heard. This leads to looking outside the relationship,” says Myers.

4 ways to deal with the feelings of betrayal
1. Accept that you will be angry and hurt for quite a while. You will need to give yourself time. This is also true of your physical and sexual relationship. There is not much that will take your pain away, except facing it with the help of a professional and allowing time to heal things.
2. Work out ways with your partner for her to become aware of times when you are feeling unsettled or insecure by her actions.
3. TALK, talk and talk to friends who understand, or a professional. This helps to get over the incident and begin to heal.
4. Alcohol, drugs (unless prescribed by a medical professional) and other reckless behaviour is not going to help you deal with the situation. It is common for the wounded party have sex with someone else to prove that they are still attractive to others and to punish the person who hurt them, but this only leads to more hurt and doesn’t resolve anything.

Should you stay with your partner after discovering that she has cheated?
According to Myers, this is something you need to decide for yourself. “There is no one answer that will be right for everyone. It is important to consider the pros and cons. If there are children, friends, finances and assets involved, it will be very difficult to leave and it should be considered carefully. Rash decisions made in anger or pain are not very helpful as such times."

Ways to resolve things as a couple
You need to seek help. Myers says that the betrayal of trust is often the hardest to overcome. “It is hard to rebuild the trust once it has been broken. It is important to realise that in a relationship, both people contribute to the dynamics and each partner needs to take responsibility for what they contribute. This needs to be discussed and each partner needs to speak openly about what they need from the other party,” concludes Myers.