Few things are more annoying than asking a girl out and she gives you the “I’m sorry I can’t go out with you, because I’ve found Jesus” line…
A few months ago I wrote a short note about what I termed The “Jesus Excuse”. What is it, you may ask? It is a very effective strategy that some women employ when they want to turn down a guy. Even the most good-looking, suave, charming, funny guy will be turned down at some point by a woman. Ask me, I know, and I’m all those things… in my head of course, but we’ll keep that to ourselves. The only difference is how you will be turned down. Will she be gentle, or vicious? Belittle you or convince you that she’s the wrong girl?
Few things are more annoying than asking a girl out and she gives you the “I’m sorry I can’t go out with you, because I’ve found Jesus” line. As if Jesus was lost. And now that she has found him, he needs her to look after him until he is nursed back to health. Or worse, they say “I’m trying to get my relationship with Jesus in order first.” I think that a straightforward “Dude, I don’t want to go out with you” will do. It bruises the ego, but at least it’s honest. Besides, the male ego is resilient and optimistic. It’s too big. It’s too wide. It’s too strong. It won’t fit. It’s too much. Basically, it’s a really big ego.
Why should women stay away from the Jesus excuse? Because it leaves you wondering and marveling at her devout nature and thinking: wow, what an amazing woman. It also leaves you disappointed when you meet her a year later, very heavily pregnant. Out of wedlock. And you had no involvement in the formation of the bulge. Then you realise that actually, she just wasn’t that into you.
There are times when she says: “I’m sorry, I’m in a relationship with Jesus right now” and she really means it. As she walks away, you say to yourself: “Self, they don’t make them like this anymore.” You even contemplate leaving your heathen-drinking-one-night-stand-having evil ways. You start thinking that maybe God is not such a bad guy after all, if such a hot chick can follow him.
But even if a woman is profoundly sincere about her Jesus Excuse, she mustn’t use it. Just like those men who go to women in a church and say: “I had a dream and the Lord said you will be my wife.” Strangely enough, God never seems to talk to them about anything else.
Perhaps I should recount an encounter a friend of mine had with the Jesus Excuse. Being the eternal optimist he is, he said to the dear lady: “At least I lost to a better man. He’s perfect, so how can I compete?” So he didn’t take it as being turned down. Losing to Jesus isn’t losing, since it’s kind of an unfair contest.
Ladies, stay away from using Jesus as an excuse. Sure, He’ll forgive you, but that line is worse than the favourite guy pick-up: “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and that’s unforgivable.